august 09, 2021 [5:50 pm]

it's officially the last first day of school (well not really for me because i got enrolled late so my first day is on hold until next week but for majority of my batch today is their first day as seniors.) it feels odd knowing i'm gonna come in late but it's fine because i know i'm not the only student who got enrolled late, and i feel like it would definitely be more embarassing for me to come in late in real life, so i'm thankful that things are online again this year.

i can't believe i'm in my senior year and this is my last year of high school. it's crazy to me how time went by so fast. i remember being thirteen and entering high school as a freshman as if it just happened yesterday. i used to daydream about being at the point in my life where i am now, and there was a mix of dread and excitement when i thought about it. the dread stemmed from thinking about all the preparations i had to do for college, and also just thinking about how college was the next step for me after senior year. the excitement was mostly me being a bit naive and hopeful for more fun experiences like the ones you see in coming of age movies and tv shows but because of covid and just my general social status, i didn't really get to experience much.

maybe it is a bit disappointing for my inner child but i'm sure there are plenty of fun experiences that await for me in the future, and i'm actually super excited for college! i've beena bit wishy washy with what course i'm actually gonna take but i previously wanted to pursue film or something in the multimedia arts field. while i'm still open to doing that, it's not really my number one option right now. although film has been an interest of mine for quite some time, it's incredibly expensive and a bit risky for me considering my family's financial situation. i'd still like to pursue film in the future but i think i'd like to keep it as a little hobby rather than a career.

i'm currently studying humanities and social sciences now because i didn't really anticipate the sudden change of actually wanting to take a stem course for college but at the same time even if i knew i feel like i still would've picked humms (humanities and social sciences) simply because i'm not really a big fan of most of the stem subjects, and i'm really only genuinely interested in biology and earth science.

i didn't really intend for this blog to also insert my college thoughts but i guess it's fine since it's the next step i'm taking after this school year. i'm super nervous but also incredibly excited to just get high school over with and graduate so i can start anew in college and study something that's piqued my interest since i was a little kid.